I think if given a choice between teaching their teenager how to drive and having bamboo shoots shoved under their fingernails, a strong majority of parents would opt for the latter. What with all the yelling and the screaming, and the strained relationship after that first ride through the Wal-Mart parking lot, or around the block, who their right mind would gladly and voluntarily give up ownership of the driver's seat?
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It doesn't have to be that way. Some of the more common causes of stress during those fledgling drives are easily resolved with proactive measures. Below is a list I have compiled to help you survive that first drive (and beyond).
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1) First, remember what it was like when you took your first drives. Were your parents yelling at you? Berating you for not keeping the car between the lines? You didn't like it, so keep your wits about you for the benefit of the scared 15 year-old sitting in the driver's seat next to you. I know this can be difficult, but keeping your cool will make for a much more positive driving experience for the both of you. Think of it this way: When a driver is enjoying the driving experience, he will endeavor to do it better.
2) Be prepared to control the car. Take out your wallet and pull out your driver's license. (Yes, that's you in the picture, and no, you know longer weigh that.) Now look at their permit. One means the owner can control the car and the other means car control might be iffy at best. You are the licensed, experience driver. If they make an error, you are the one expected to not only correct it if they fail to do so, but keep the car under complete control. This can be done from the passenger seat. (I have recovered skids from the passenger seat, so I know it's possible.) Practice reaching over to see how you can best manage steering before you put the car into motion. Have your student holding the wheel so they know what your steering assistance feels like. Also, explain to your new driver that you might have to push down on his knee to help him apply more pressure to the pedals. Add that you might have to physically remove his foot off the pedals by pulling up on his knee. Practicing this is also a good idea.
3) Don't assume your new driver knows where to go. You've driven them to their high school every day for the last year and a half and now you want them to drive you. Guess what? They haven't been paying attention and couldn't drive themselves out of a wet paper bag. It's because they've been sitting in the passenger seat or the back seat, staring at their crotch, (otherwise known as texting) or playing video games, or watching that miniscule TV that has been conveniently placed in the headrest behind you to babysit your little darlings during long drives.
Additionally, give early directions. Give them at least two street's notice before you ask them to turn. Likewise, if driving in a busier driving environment where the speeds may be faster, give advanced warning of maybe two traffic lights. For instance: "Olaf, not at the next traffic light, but the one after it, I want you to turn left." They will often repeat what you've said. This is a good thing. It's called active listening. Giving early instruction also reduces the potential for late and uncontrolled turns, late braking, and prevents general unsafe driving acts. It will also reduce your frustration when you both are on the same page as to where to turn next, or what lane to be in.
4) Make them talk. In order for you to remain calm, it's a good idea to have them tell you what they are looking at. It's easy to assume that they see the red traffic light, or the line of stopped cars, or the person about ready to pull into traffic. This assumption will get you into trouble and send your frustration meter into orbit. Ask clear concise questions. For example: You: "Do you see the herd of deer on the side of the road up there?" Teenager: "Yes, mom, I see the deer." You: "When are going to slow down?" or "Let off the gas, and slow down, son." Once through the danger, you can explain to your teenager that deer are dumber than a box of hair and spook easily, oftentimes causing them to dart into oncoming traffic. You can further explain that this is a grand example of Natural Selection. Note: According to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration there are about 1.5 million car crashes with deer each year that result in billion in vehicle damage, about 150 human fatalities, and over 10,000 personal injuries.
5) Know the latest laws. I know it's a crazy thought, but things have changed since we learned how to drive. Did you get that memo? I know I didn't. Update yourself with respect to the latest laws, driving techniques, and safe driving habits for the benefit of your student. You certainly don't want to be teaching them the wrong or unsafe thing. For example, did you know that while waiting to turn left at an unprotected left turn, pulling into the intersection (otherwise known as "claiming the intersection") is, at the very least, illegal in some jurisdictions, at the most, extremely dangerous? Yet, it's what we were taught back in the day. In this day and age however, it is nooo bueno. To get updated on the latest driving laws, visit your local DMV's website. Most agencies have the DMV manual available for download for your reading pleasure.
6) Make them your chauffeur. Let them drive everywhere. Ever heard someone say, "I learn better by doing."? Well, in reality, everybody learns better by doing so get them behind the wheel as often as possible. I know this can be frustrating especially if you're concerned about punctuality. The solution to this is...leave earlier. (Because you can't ask them to speed, that's just bad form.) Trust me, your student driver wants to drive and will do just about anything to have those keys in his hand. I submit to you the advantages: 1-Their room will never be cleaner. 2-Their laundry will be washed, dried, folded and put away. 3-Leaves raked? Cars washed? Garage cleaned out? Do you see where I'm going with this? Make driving a reward for practicing other good habits.
7) Set the example. Do you drive with your knee? Read the New York Times in rush hour traffic? Apply that final coat of mascara on your way into work? Talk on the cell phone? Heaven forbid, text while driving? These are poor habits that set terribly bad examples for your new driver. Trust me when I say, since understanding the benefits of obtaining a driver's license, your teenager has been watching you like a hawk. In essence, they have no other programing so how can you get mad when you catch your teenager on the cell phone as they are pulling into the garage after driving home from school?
Make a pact with your teenager to refrain from distracted driving. According to the U.S. Department of Transportation, in 2009, 5,474 people were killed on U.S. roadways and an estimated additional 448,000 were injured in motor vehicle crashes that were reported to have involved distracted driving. Look, it's not a matter of if you're going to crash texting while driving, it's a matter of when. Turn off the cell phone while the car is in motion. Make your new driver promise you to do the same. Have consequences ready if they violate that promise. Look, we survived nearly an entire century without a cell phone in the car. Make your car a no phone zone.
8) Practice in different driving environments. Driving in an urban area poses different challenges than say, driving in a rural environment. Driving around the neighborhood until they've obtained their state-required hours (mandated in many jurisdictions) is doing them a disservice. Additionally, drive during different environmental conditions such as late afternoon, with sun glare, or at night, when it's raining, or when it's snowing. And I know, the last thing you want to do is say, "Come on, kid! It's snowing! Grab the keys, let's go for a ride!" I get that. But think of it this way: Your teenager is driving home from school and it begins to snow. Do you want their first experience of driving in the snow to be one they experience alone and with no training or would you rather be beside him, guiding him, helping him understand that silly little thing called "traction"?
9) Educate your new driver. Meaning, teach them the different safety systems on your vehicle. For instance, teach to them about antilock brakes, how to properly use them, and what to expect. This can only be done by experiential learning. In other words, take them some place safe, and have them experience what happens when they fully engage the ABS. Many a crash could have been avoided if the driver didn't freak out when the ABS system engaged. Teach them too, how to threshold brake in case they are driving a vehicle with no ABS. Also, help them understand the importance of taking care of their tires. More importantly, show them how to care for their tires. Remember, everything the driver asks the car to do is done by the tires. And while you're at it, educate them about the owner's manual. Many a question can be answered by having a basic understanding of this handy tool. I could go on and on about this topic, but I think you get the point. Set them up for success. Education is the greatest tool you can use to accomplish that.
10) They get their license, now what? Many parents assume that since their teenager passed the driver's test, they have earned the right to go anywhere at any time. I want you to remember, your student may have had the equivalent of two to three days driving experience (in hours) from the time they obtained their permit to the time they obtained their operator's license. Do you really want to give them that much responsibility before the magnetic strip on their new license is even dry? Start them off slowly. Help them understand that they must prove to you that they are a safe, competent, confident driver and in doing so, will earn more drive time. This will help them gain a true appreciation of the value of their license and therefore, their newly found independence.
More importantly, it just might keep them alive.
FACTS:
1) In 2005, 7,460 teenagers died in car crashes. (Source: National Highway Transportation Safety Administration)
2) Car crashes are the leading cause of death in teenagers between the ages of 15 and 20. Thirty-five percent of teenagers in the United States won't come home this year because they crashed their car. Males are a greater risk, but females are catching up. (Source: National Highway Transportation Safety Administration)
3) Among 15-20 year old drivers involved in fatal crashes in 2005, 30 percent (365) of those who did not have a valid operator's license at the time of the crash also had previous license suspensions or revocations. For the same group, 28 percent of the drivers who were killed in motor vehicle crashes during 2005 had been drinking. (Source: National Highway Transportation Safety Administration)
Survive the Drive (10 Tips for Teaching Your Teenager How To Drive)
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